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  • Citadel: First Colony
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    Citadel: Paths in Darkness
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    College Made Stupid Simple
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  • Citadel: First Colony: Book One of the Citadel Trilogy
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  • Citadel: Paths in Darkness (Volume 2)
    Citadel: Paths in Darkness (Volume 2)
  • College Made Stupid Simple: A guide to getting more than a diploma
    College Made Stupid Simple: A guide to getting more than a diploma

Entries in love (7)

Friday
Mar012013

realocity

I shouldn't write a blog post just to write it. 

That's the conclusion I came to about two minutes ago, right before I highlighted every scrap of text I'd written and hit "delete." It was a good piece, about regret and decisions and making up for mistakes. But it wasn't really from the heart, ya know? It was me trying on a voice. Me trying to be someone I'm not.

Sometimes I write things that are heartfelt and, miraculously, inspirational. I see it when it happens. I feel it. And that gets me all jazzed up. 

"Yeah!" I think. "I'm good at this! I can motivate people! I'll be an inspiration!"

That's me up there, putting my own ego and motives above what God wants from me. I'm not exactly glorifying God with that kind of post. I'm glorifying me.

I don't plan my blog posts. Not really. I write whatever pops into my head, or I post an image I think is funny or a video I think is inspirational. I don't have any sort of organized plan concerning this blog. It's me. Brain dumped, gettin' all wordy widdit, doin' that voodoo that I do so well. I like writing. LOVE writing. I like to jazz things up, make things fun and exciting, inform and inspire and occasionally enrage. 

But when I pretend ... when I write something that's hollow and uninspired and disconnected, when I write something that's meant just to push some false image of me to the reading public, that's when it sucks.

Lately I've written several posts that come from a spiritual place within me. That's God talking, not me. That's God, doing the voodoo the He do so well. Reaching out through this wretched sinner of a Wordslinger, reaching past the goo and bile of my ego and self-centered interests, and saying something to the world that counts, that matters. God gave me a skill and a talent and a passion, and when He uses it there's nothing but AMAZING there. When I use it, for my own selfish agenda, there's nothing there at all.

What I want, the earnest desire of my heart, is to write and fulfiill God's will in my life. I want to touch others. I want to inspire. I want to entertain and motivate and move. I want to create that thing, that ineffable thing that God has placed on my heart, that burning desire I can't even define, and I want to spread it wide and far and deep in the world. 

And I can't do that if I'm writing a blog post just to write it.

I made a commitment a week ago. I want to post something on this blog every day. There will be days I miss, I know. There will be days when I repost something from social media, or post a picture I created or a YouTube video I found, or an excerpt from one of my books, or an article on online TV programming, or an open letter to a restaurant, or a million other things. I just want to make sure, make absolutely sure, that what I'm posting is real, that it counts, that it MATTERS. That it's me. And that, above all, always above all, it's glorifying the God who created me, and who rules in my life.

You have no idea how hard it is to write a sentence like that. Honest. I think that I feel some sort of weird "shame" about it. Like I'm afraid I'll offend a large swathe of my friends and my readers. I'll somehow turn people off to me. They'll scorn me, ridicule me, toss me aside.

Good! SO good! I need that. I want that. I've been promised that with that sort of scorn and ridicule, in God's name, I will be blessed. The shame? That's something I need to deal with, because it's not real. It's not me. It's not right.

Thanks for reading. I have to tell you that. I appreciate it. I love you for it. I hope that somehow I touch you, and I help you. But you touch me and help me, by reading and commenting and just being who you are. God bless you. Thank you. I wouldn't do it if you weren't here, reading it. 

And I promise, I will try with every post, every book, every article, every word I write to ensure that it is always something from within me, something that glorifies God, something that is real. No lies. No posts just to post. Always from the heart.

Tuesday
Aug282012

facebook love

Of course, not all my Facebook friends are imaginary. Some are fictional.

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